


Water, On The Rocks

by theianitor



Series: Supernatural Shenanigans [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Humor, M/M, Nakki - Freeform, Not part of the creatures-series!, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Revenge, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22578154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/pseuds/theianitor
Summary: Taking a deep breath of the cool air, Kimi made himself ready to step in to the glittering and playing water. He could already feel it, clean and clear, a lovely forest stream. He moved forward.And he couldn’t feel it.He couldn’t step in.
Relationships: Jenson Button/Sebastian Vettel, Kimi Räikkönen & Sebastian Vettel
Series: Supernatural Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624579
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Water, On The Rocks

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! :)  
> Two fics in such a short time? I don't know what's come over me. All praise and cookies to my Finnish consultant both for inspiration and help with this language, country, and mythos. <3 This was good fun to write, I hope you like it. :)

_A few weeks later_

It was already around lunchtime when Kimi finally woke up and walked downstairs, finding a note from Minttu in the kitchen. She’d taken the kids and gone down to the store, and to see her mom for a bit. Looking outdoors showed a nice, slightly overcast day.

Good.

It always felt best to prepare properly before race weekends. While he loved Minttu and the children and wanted to spend as much time with them as possible before leaving, it always felt better to know they were busy with their own things while he took care of his. The weather also meant that there probably wouldn’t be that many people out.

He thought about taking the car while he dressed in loose sweatpants and a hoodie, grabbing the keys in the hall and then changing his mind, putting them back. It wasn’t far. He pulled on his sneakers and left the house, going down the drive. If he followed the road all the way around the turn and to the left, he would reach the main road that lead into town. When he reached the turn however, he continued straight forward and into the woods.

Their house was secluded enough that nobody would have reacted or even seen if he’d chosen to install some kind of water feature in his own yard. For his purposes, nothing could beat natural springs, and luckily Finland had no shortage of streams, lakes, and rivers.

Making his way down a little ridge he could hear the stream, trilling and playing like a merry little orchestra below him. It brought a smile to his face. It would be good to relax fully before traveling.

While he could sense that the air was colder than would perhaps be comfortable to an ordinary human, it didn’t bother him in the slightest as he reached the bank and took his shirt off. Once he was free of the shoes he pushed down a little with his feet in the damp dirt next to the water – even this little contact with his natural element settled his mind and comforted him.

Strictly speaking he didn’t _need_ to swim or bathe more than perhaps once a month or so, but when the opportunity was found so close to his house, he didn’t like to deny himself. He came down here at least once a week, sometimes went to one of the other nearby forest pools, and always made sure he was very much alone.

Not that he’d drown anyone just because he was a Näkki. _That_ was a very conscious act. Luckily he was a really bad singer, and he didn’t even want to think about _dancing_ on the water. It was just the whole decency-aspect of possibly being found butt naked by a human out in the woods.

He slid off his pants and folded them on top of his shoes. Water was nice and all, but walking around in damp clothes was less than great. Taking a deep breath of the clear, cool air, he stepped forward on the bank, getting ready to step into the glittering and playing water. He could already feel it, clean and clear.

Only he couldn’t feel it.

He couldn’t step in.

Not that he didn’t want to. He _really_ did. But something was holding him back. Something, like an unseen force field, was staying his steps and keeping him on the little muddy bank, a mere step from where he really wanted to be.

He tried taking a few steps up the stream and stepping in there instead.

Nothing happened.

He tried pushing forward against the whatever-it-was, but it was like an invisible wall, something holding him back and not letting him touch the water in the slightest.

“Perkeleen vittu...” he muttered.

He turned around, took a few steps away, and then turned and ran the little distance, getting ready to jump into the water.

It didn’t particularly hurt, smacking straight into the _nothing_ in the air, but he landed on his ass in the mud and slapped his hand down into it with more choice swears. Distantly, he was even more grateful now that he was perfectly alone in this stretch of forest, because it was one thing to be naked; being naked, muddy, and severely pissed off was something completely different.

Feeling his way up and down the stream, he soon had to give up. Whatever it was, it shielded the stream completely and wouldn’t let him any nearer. Kimi cleaned off the mud as best he could, threw his clothes back on, and hurried back up the ridge. When he got back to the house he was almost out of breath, and Minttu didn’t seem to be back yet. He grabbed the keys off the hook in the hall and got in the car, driving a little too fast down the drive and off towards one of the lakes he liked.

An hour later, he had sworn himself almost hoarse after walking around the whole lake, pressing against the invisible _something_ that kept him from the mirror-still, lovely water he could see not even a meter away. It had turned the slight desire he had had earlier into a proper under-the-skin itch, and he knew he wouldn’t feel right until he’d gotten to submerge himself now.

Pulling on his pants but only picking up the hoodie, he ran back towards the car. Around the lake, a significantly bigger body of water than his little stream back home, he could almost feel the presence of that barrier before he’d even come close enough to have it stop him. His mind was reeling. What the hell was that thing?

He threw his shirt on the passenger seat and tore away, heading for the nearest river he knew of. It was closer to a path but if he followed it a little ways into the forest it would probably be fine.

It wasn’t fine.

After driving just a hair too fast the whole way, walking along the forest path and finally reaching the water, he instantly knew it was no good. The same unseen presence was already there, mocking him by letting him see the water and get _so close_ but not close enough. This time he followed the water down to the nearest bridge, where he was pleased to find he could actually cross. His joy was short-lived however, as the water was no more touchable than before.

Without much hope, he tried the other side of the river, but all it led to was him having to walk back to the bridge again since he couldn’t get at the water anywhere on that side either.

As he was trudging back to the car, he suddenly froze. While he’d never had it happen before, he suddenly knew what this invisible barrier was.

Someone had cast a spell on the water. A very specific spell. A spell he knew about, but, because of his nature, couldn’t speak aloud. Someone could put up a barrier for his kind by throwing a stone and speaking the words... he shivered even thinking about it. It wasn’t a spell most people knew about or cast casually however, and it narrowed the suspect pool very quickly.

“Seb,” Kimi hissed out. “Saatana.” He took off at a sprint back to his car.

Once he got back home he suspected, from the way Minttu looked at him when he came inside, that he looked a little worse for wear. He couldn’t care about that right now. He needed to do the bare minimum and settle this need for water, and then he was going to find Seb, and murder him.

“Can’t talk, have to-” he said, giving Minttu a hasty peck on the cheek as he passed her, heading for the upstairs bathroom. He turned the tap until it was pouring out water as fast as it could, slowly filling up their tub while he ripped his clothes off.

When it was about halfway full he stuck his hand down, mostly out of reflex, to check the temperature. It didn’t matter much to him, but since neither of the kids had inherited his particular condition, he’d gotten used to checking before giving them baths.

Only his hand wouldn’t connect with the surface. He got to about a handbreadth away from it, and then his fingers didn’t want to go any further.

“What in the...”

He turned the water off and tried again, first gently skimming the invisible surface, then pressing down with all his might and finally giving up completely and punching at it.

“It won’t work,” Minttu said from the door, inexplicably smiling at him.

“What did you..?” Kimi blinked at her. She was quite at her ease, leaning against the doorframe and looking for all the world as if there was nothing strange about her husband on his knees in front of the half-full tub, completely naked save for some spots of mud.

“I didn’t do anything, but until that rock is gone, you won’t be bathing here.”

Now he looked down into the water. At the bottom of the tub he saw one of the decorative little glass pebbles Minttu had filled the vases downstairs with. It was clear, barely visible, but very much there. He turned back to her, gripping the side of the tub so hard he was pretty sure he was denting it.

“Seb...” he growled.

“No,” Minttu said, still smiling, “Jenson came over.”

“And you let him in here?!” The side of the tub actually creaked under his hands. He knew very well that Jenson needed _permission_ to go places; most public buildings and places like the race tracks had a ‘general approval’ in place for his type... but Kimi was pretty sure his house didn’t. At least it _hadn’t_.

“Yes I did.” Minttu crossed her arms, not the least bit intimidated. “He explained what you did to him and Seb.”

Kimi didn’t say anything, but grumpily looked away. Fine, he’d pulled a prank on them, but surely this revenge was a little much for something as innocent as making Seb eat a little garlic? Jenson hadn’t even gotten sick!

"Well can you get the rock out of there?"

She knew the spell. He knew she knew the spell. She was a witch after all. Throw a rock in, say the right words, throw a rock out, say the other part of the spell.

“No. I think you were very mean,” she said. “Now come downstairs and I’ll hose you off, seeing as the water in here is useless. You only have a couple of hours before you have to leave.”

The whole time they were in the yard, Kimi was fuming. Damn that German bastard and his British bloodsucker boyfriend. He didn’t say a word though. The kids were watching from the living room window, and while she had refused outright to get the pebble out and undo the spell, Minttu was kindly not laughing as she hosed him down in the kids’ little inflatable pool.

It was at least something, and after a while he felt more okay to travel – travel, and plot revenge.

\--

Kimi kept his mouth shut tight the whole trip, trying to sleep and managing probably about an hour in total. By the time he got to the hotel what little help the hosing had been had worn off completely, and he sent people scurrying out of his way with his glaring. Still, it felt like help was near.

Hotel rooms had tubs, and with those came the opportunity to finally have a little bit of time under the water. He had also started formulating a plan to stay late at the track the next day, since Canada meant the whole place was surrounded by a lovely, big body of water. He’d been in it before and it was a perfectly fine spot to soak, as long as he could ensure being alone.

Closing the door to his room, he parked his bag in the hall and got out of his clothes on the way to the bathroom. Relief was so close he could almost taste it, and it made him smile as he flicked the light on, pushed his boxers down, and reached out to turn the tap on.

He was left standing with his hand outstretched, staring at a small, gray pebble at the bottom of the tub. They hadn’t even bothered to hide it, the fucking bastards.

“Perkeleen vittu saatana...”

Still naked, he rushed out to the phone and got reception on the line.

“Hello I’m going to need a new room,” he said, all in one breath.

“Excuse me?”

Kimi clenched his teeth.

“I am in room 1214, and I want to...” He stopped himself, thinking a little politeness might help. “I would _like to_ change rooms, please.”

“Sir, that’s just not possible. There’s a Formula 1 race this weekend, everything is fully booked.”

He hung up without another word, politeness be damned. Now he _really_ wanted to find Seb and check if _his_ skills included breathing underwater for any length of time.

Rather than ending his own career with a murder however, he went back to the bathroom and splashed water on himself from the sink as best as he could. Then he went to bed, still feeling far from satisfied but safe in the thought that the sea would welcome him and wash away all his troubles in the morning.

The track hadn’t even come fully into view when he realized it wouldn’t be solving any of his problems today. The water didn’t feel anywhere near welcoming, the invisible barrier tangible even at a distance since the sea was so big. Just to make sure, Kimi got out of the car and started walking along the edge – he already _knew_ it wouldn’t work, but maybe they would have missed a spot _somewhere_.

They hadn’t.

The bastards must have gotten there last night, or even earlier than he had, and...

Kimi had only been able to tell Seb that there _was_ a spell, a spell which was mostly forgotten but still definitely worked against his kind. Seb must have figured the rest out on his own, but whether he’d done it some time earlier, because that was how Seb tended to be, or if he had started doing research after Kimi’s prank, Kimi didn’t know.

It _almost_ made him feel a little bad about his joke. He’d known it wouldn’t make Jenson sick or anything, but he had apparently underestimated the lengths to which Sebastian would go to make sure the pranks stopped here.

Having the oppressive force field so close by grated at him all day, and he found it near impossible to focus. The guys were talking and he kept losing track of the conversation, and speaking of losing track, he was at one point passed – in practice, but _still_ – by some very confused backmarkers, one of whom actually radioed back to the pitwall to ask ‘what was wrong with Raikkonen?’

Kimi got the car back to the pits, grabbed the nearest bottle of water, and emptied it over his own head. If the stunned looks from the mechanics were anything to go by, it was slightly unexpected and perhaps a cause for concern, but he still looked pissed off enough that nobody approached or actually asked what was going on.

The chilled water was a slight relief, but only slight. With the carbonation still prickling away in his hair, he took a deep breath. His thoughts of revenge were pretty much washed away; if he was completely honest, he just needed this problem _solved_ now.

He drove back to the hotel and managed to wheedle Seb’s room number out of the receptionist, only just resisting the temptation of stealing the vase on her desk for watering-purposes.

When Seb opened the door, he already had a smirk on his face that Kimi would like to get off of there with his fists.

“Oh Kimi, hi, how are you?”

“Shut up, let me in.”

Sebastian crossed his arms. “Not until you apologize.”

“I’m sorry,” Kimi growled. “Let me use your fucking shower.”

“So I win?”

“ _We_ win, sweetheart,” a voice called from inside the room. Sebastian glanced over his shoulder.

“ _We_ win,” he amended.

“Yes, fine, whatever, let me use the fucking shower. Please,” he added, still through clenched teeth.

“Alright, come in.”

Seb stepped aside and Kimi started ripping his shirt off before he’d even gotten in the bathroom.

“No need for the show,” Jenson quipped from the bed, where he was stretched out with his hands behind his head, like he’d been expecting Kimi to show up any minute now. Kimi didn’t even bother to swear at him, just made his way to the bathroom.

“So...” Sebastian said, standing in the door. Kimi turned around, midway through unbuttoning his pants, and glared at him. With a tug, he let his pants come down to his knees, and Sebastian flushed bright red and turned around.

“So,” Seb repeated with a cough, “does it wear off, or do we have to..?”

“No, you have to undo it. Everywhere you did it you have to undo it.”

“Oh.”

“And that’s the same thing but backwards, right?” Jenson appeared at Sebastian’s shoulder, glanced into the room, and then turned around too. “So, _Necky..._ eh, something _, minee mall-e_?”

Kimi cringed, but he couldn’t correct him, so he settled for scowling at his back.

“How in the fuck did you even get it to work when you are so shit at Finnish?”

“Because he has me to remind him,” Seb said smugly. “It’s _Näkki veteen, minä maalle_.”

Kimi cringed again, but this time because the words were actually uncomfortable to his ears. Despite this, he couldn’t help but be a little bit impressed. Sebastian had obviously practiced.

“That’s what I said,” Jenson said, crossing his arms, “sort of.”

“No it isn’t,” Kimi gritted. “Get it right and go fix it.” He turned the tap on and put the plug in the tub, making sure his fingers actually went under the surface of the water.

“How long do you think you’ll be?” Jenson asked.

“Go away,” Kimi growled, leaving the taps running and slamming the door shut, locking it and leaving Seb and Jenson on the other side.

He stepped into the tub and wiggled his toes, his discomfort easing by the second as the water slowly rose. Turning the temperature down a little made it even better and he sat down with a moan as the headache that had been so constant he’d almost forgotten about it started dissipating.

“Don’t do anything dirty in there!”

“Fuck off!” he called back.

He slid down even further, having to bend his legs to fit. The water tickled its way higher and higher on his scalp, wetting his hair, chilling his back, washing away all the tension. He lay still and let the water cover his face, looking up through the surface. It wasn’t the same as a nice forest lake or a stream, the water had that _cleaned_ taste he didn’t quite like, but he felt so much better. The comfort seeped into his muscles and he yawned under water. A nap would be nice.

He sat up again and waited for the tub to fill before turning the tap off and settling on his side to sleep for a little bit.

He woke up from a low thumping somewhere and sat up, slightly surprised to find himself surrounded by a tub. The thump, which above the water was revealed to be a knock on the door, started again.

“Kimi?” Sebastian called from the other side of the door. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Kimi looked at the door. Inviting Seb in didn’t feel very nice, and he didn’t really want to leave yet. He got out of the tub and got his wallet out, found his keycard, and slid it under the door.

“Oh come on!”

“I’m sleeping in here,” Kimi decided, turning to go back to the tub.

“It’s alright sweetheart,” came Jenson’s voice from the other side of the door. “We can go sleep in his room.”

“No you can’t!” Kimi called.

“Oooh,” Sebastian said excitedly.

“I can hear you!” Kimi warned.

“Not from your room you can’t,” Jenson said. The sound of Seb snickering got further and further away, and then Kimi heard the door to the room open and close. He stood still for a moment, listening for any clue that they were just playing around, but heard nothing.

“Perkeleen vittu,” he growled.

Then he looked at his tub of water, and a smile spread slowly across his face. Room service dinner that he didn’t have to pay for, taken in the tub, suddenly sounded like a perfectly alright evening.

\- The End -

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read! <3  
> All in good fun, as per usual! :) All comments and kudoses are cared for and loved equally! ;)


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